Bringing my awareness to my inner blocks has been key in my experience so far. It’s part of a process of freeing myself so that I can have a stronger connection with the divine. Anger, anxiety, fear, stress, doubt, judgment, shame, etc…all of these come in the way of my connection with the Great Creative Life Force of the Universe. They steal my attention and my awareness and make me unconscious. They drag me down with their weight into a world of a lower vibration, of suffering and loneliness. The higher vibration is where my true potential lies. For that I must lighten my load. “Lighthearted”. “Enlightened”. I must be light.
This morning, when I woke up I felt a sense of emptiness. There’s still something major within me that is blocking my connection to the divine reality that surrounds me, that’s a part of me, that I’m connected to. If I were truly feeling connected to the amazing world and to the Great Creative Life Force of the Universe, I don’t think I would feel empty or lonely as often as I do. Would I?
I don’t know what the block is. The other day while I was taking a walk, I started wondering about the serious side I have to me. Nature walks are such a time for meditation for me and my awareness of many things expands a great deal on my walks. Anyway, what I started to become more aware of on this walk is that there’s a seriousness to me that prevents me from being silly, especially around others. Sometimes I’m silly when I’m by myself, but hardly ever around others. I know I’m serious far more frequently than I’m silly and I’d like it to be the other way around. What is the seriousness all about? Is it protecting me from something? I’m sure it is. It’s also preventing me from being completely free. I’m at the point where I feel I’m ready to face whatever the seriousness is protecting me from. I’d rather deal with it and move on. It may be painful to deal with, but that’s ok.
For the moment, however, I suppose I just accept where I am. I accept the emptiness and seriousness. Not accepting is choosing the lower vibration. Acceptance gives me access to the higher vibration. So even in the moment when I feel heavy, I still have a choice to feel heavier or to lighten my load. There’s always an opportunity to lighten up through acceptance of what is. Wishing reality were different than it is: heavy.
It always comes back to that, doesn’t it? It always comes back to the simple act of acceptance of each moment. I’ve been so used to trying to figure out how to change myself but coming at it all wrong. Wishing I were different. That’s really heavy. The concept of acceptance is still sinking in. I just need to keep reminding myself and I know eventually I’ll get there,…or maybe I am there!
Thanks for reading.