Day 23- On lightening Up

Bringing my awareness to my inner blocks has been key in my experience so far. It’s part of a process of freeing myself so that I can have a stronger connection with the divine. Anger, anxiety, fear, stress, doubt, judgment, shame, etc…all of these come in the way of my connection with the Great Creative Life Force of the Universe. They steal my attention and my awareness and make me unconscious. They drag me down with their weight into a world of a lower vibration, of suffering and loneliness. The higher vibration is where my true potential lies. For that I must lighten my load. “Lighthearted”. “Enlightened”. I must be light.

This morning, when I woke up I felt a sense of emptiness. There’s still something major within me that is blocking my connection to the divine reality that surrounds me, that’s a part of me, that I’m connected to. If I were truly feeling connected to the amazing world and to the Great Creative Life Force of the Universe, I don’t think I would feel empty or lonely as often as I do. Would I?

I don’t know what the block is. The other day while I was taking a walk, I started wondering about the serious side I have to me. Nature walks are such a time for meditation for me and my awareness of many things expands a great deal on my walks. Anyway, what I started to become more aware of on this walk is that there’s a seriousness to me that prevents me from being silly, especially around others. Sometimes I’m silly when I’m by myself, but hardly ever around others. I know I’m serious far more frequently than I’m silly and I’d like it to be the other way around. What is the seriousness all about? Is it protecting me from something? I’m sure it is. It’s also preventing me from being completely free. I’m at the point where I feel I’m ready to face whatever the seriousness is protecting me from. I’d rather deal with it and move on. It may be painful to deal with, but that’s ok.

For the moment, however, I suppose I just accept where I am. I accept the emptiness and seriousness. Not accepting is choosing the lower vibration. Acceptance gives me access to the higher vibration. So even in the moment when I feel heavy, I still have a choice to feel heavier or to lighten my load. There’s always an opportunity to lighten up through acceptance of what is. Wishing reality were different than it is: heavy.

It always comes back to that, doesn’t it? It always comes back to the simple act of acceptance of each moment. I’ve been so used to trying to figure out how to change myself but coming at it all wrong. Wishing I were different. That’s really heavy. The concept of acceptance is still sinking in. I just need to keep reminding myself and I know eventually I’ll get there,…or maybe I am there!

Thanks for reading.



Day 20- Things I Do Differently Now- Part II

Yesterday, I started making a list of things I do differently now that I’ve decided to focus on my spiritual reality. Here are a few more things:

4. When I go on a walk in nature, I talk out loud to the divine force(s) all around me. I feel especially connected to the divine vibration of life when I am surrounded by nature. I often speak as if I were speaking to a friend about all the amazing and beautiful things I see and experience, or I ask for guidance to enable me to connect with and learn from the natural world to my greatest potential. I speak the spontaneous insights and realizations that I have about life, I affirm my commitment to being present in the moment with an awareness of the Great Creative Life Force of the Universe and to continue along the path of knowledge of this force and of my true self. I ask for guidance in sharing what I experience on this path with others. I remind myself of what my true potential is on this path. That I am a co-creator and that I can create my life as I want it to be. I do all of this outloud (as long as there’s no one else on the path I’m on…which there usually isn’t :))

5. I do mini-ceremonies inviting Spirit into my life, inviting Spirit to fill my body and mind so that I may express it in my life.

6. I imagine my life as I would like it to be, realizing my full potential as a spiritual human being, and as often as I can, I live that perspective in my present moment. I act in accordance with the image I create with the confidence that this potential is my reality.

Why do I write about these strange and private things? I’m not really sure, yet. It may be for myself. To help me clarify the process. It may be to simply document the process. It may be to give some of what I am gaining to anyone who finds it useful or helpful. I’m not sure, yet. If I figure it out, I’ll let you know.

Thanks for reading.


Day 1

The end of this day comes with a sense of calm. I’m sure part of it has to do with the fact that I just returned from gazing out across the Atlantic as the last bits of light faded away. The ocean is such a powerful force. It’s easy for me to feel the power of the divine when I gaze at the ocean.

Another reason for my sense of calm also may have to do with the fact that I have managed to spend a few minutes every half hour consciously reaching out and opening myself up to communication with the Great Creative Life Force of the Universe. I work at home on a computer most days. Generally, I get caught up in what I’m doing for work or thinking about or worrying about one thing or another. Today, however, I kept my attention coming back to the divine. I set the timer on my phone for 30 minutes and every time it went off, I jotted down a short prayer to the Great Creative Life Force of the Universe. Maybe 5-10 sentences. At some point, I may share this with everyone, but at the moment it feels too personal. I feel insecure about it, wondering if it’s “right” or “wrong”. Fearing that someone could find some fault with what I wrote. The act of doing this every 30 minutes kept my mind off of empty entertainment or negative thoughts. I tend to worry a lot. I worried a lot less today. Simply because I had less time to do so.

There were times when I could feel a resistance creeping in. Times when I felt like I didn’t want to stop what I was doing to write a prayer. But as soon as I started writing the resistance disappeared. Many times I took a few moments to close my eyes and take a few deep breaths. During those seconds a sense of serenity washed over me.  Google defines serenity as “the state of being calm, peaceful, and untroubled.” A few seconds of that every half hour throughout the day was wonderful.

Sometimes I didn’t know what to write. Then I was able to let go of being picky about what I said. I wrote whatever came to mind. Sometimes it was repetitive. Sometimes it sounded awkward. I also prayed for wisdom and guidance so that the quality of my prayers would constantly increase.

At the end of the day, I took a walk in the woods near where I live and picked some of the blackberries that are just starting to ripen. I looked at everything acknowledging it’s divinity, it’s beauty, it’s abundance. I was grateful for the warm air and I thanked the blackberry bushes for their give-away. The trail I was on today is one that I had never found particularly beautiful. But today it was beautiful. Even the tall, white, dried out grass on the banks of the trail was elegant swaying against the blue sky.

I was alone for most of today so didn’t interact with many people. I know it will be different keeping my connection with the divine while interacting with people. But that is for another day.

Good night and thanks for reading.