We’re all doing our best. How do I know this? Because I’m doing my best. In every moment, I’m doing my best. I can’t be more loving, more compassionate, more kind, more serene, more joyful, more grateful, more accepting, less judgmental, less controlling, less angry, more powerful, more tactful, smarter, you name it…I can’t be any more or less of anything than I am. If I could I would- BELIEVE ME!
I think we’re all in the same boat. Every single person on this planet. I think we’re all doing the very best we can given our present frame of mind and beliefs.
I don’t believe it’s true that anyone does something bad if they believe they have a choice. I think, given the choice, we all want to do “good” and if we do something “bad” it was because we felt we didn’t have a choice. (Defining good and bad…that’s a whole other topic.)
I see this in my life. When I am angry, I don’t want to be angry, but I feel incapable of being any other way. When I’m angry I most often end up crying after a while because it hurts so much to be angry and I’m ashamed. It hurts so bad that if there’s any way I could stop from being angry, I would, but it hasn’t been a reality for me at those times.
That may not be good enough for the person I’m yelling at and judging and lashing out against. I understand that. I wish with all my heart that I could be more/different for that person, but in that moment. I just can’t.
Realizing that I am doing my best has opened my mind and my heart to accepting that everyone is doing his/her best…given their beliefs.
Regarding beliefs…I’ve been trying to shift/evolve/let go of/heal my own. It’s so hard. I’m so eager and motivated, yet it feels damn near impossible at times and I wonder how I will ever grow as a person.
Honestly, what has helped me the most in this experience I’ve been having of uncovering truth in my life is how I’ve been learning to see that nothing can be any different than it is. I can’t be any different than I am. No one, not even myself, can force me to be any different. Somehow, in a way that I don’t understand, I feel more in touch with who I want to be when I accept who I am in each moment, especially if it’s not who I want to be. There’s something about accepting this person that I don’t want to be that shows me who I really am. When this happens, I naturally feel the peace that I often fruitlessly try to create.
There have been (and are currently) situations in life when I have been judgmental, controlling, angry, and blaming. All thing I’m not proud of. There’s no way I would behave in these ways if I saw a way not to. Knowing that I’m doing my best has allowed me to find peace with whatever it is the other person may think about me when I act in ways I’m not proud of. It’s not about making excuses, but about accepting reality. They may think my best is not good enough but I know it’s the only thing I can give in any moment. And on the flip side, I’m learning to see that whatever the another person is presenting to me is his/her best. When I believe that I, again, feel more in touch with the person I want to be. With this belief there is the opportunity for feeling love and compassion and for communication in times of conflict and struggle. Without this belief these things don’t feel like an option.
Thanks for reading.
Rosalynn
42daysofdivine 