Anger: ROAR!!! I’m mad!
Me: Hello, anger. I hear you. I’m listening.
Anger: Why are you talking to me? Just let me take control. I don’t want to talk to you, I just want to exert my power over you like I always do.
Me: Why are you here?
Anger: Because you’ve been wronged and it’s not fair! I’m trying to get you to stand up for yourself! You can’t let someone treat you that way! You’re right and they’re wrong! If you don’t stand up for yourself, that person is going to keep on doing what they’re doing and completely take advantage of your niceness.
Me: You’re right! I do have to stand up for myself! I am right! Why should I be the one who goes out of my way! I’m too nice and I don’t want to be taken advantage of!…But wait…I don’t want to be mad…There’s got to be a different side to this…What can I learn from you, anger?
Anger: You can learn to keep control of the situation, make sure everything always goes your way and force others to conform to your expectations for their behavior!
Me: Oh. Why do you think that’s important?
Anger: Because it’s uncomfortable if things don’t go your way and who knows what will happen if you give up control of the situation. Plus, if someone doesn’t act like you expect them to act, then they must not care what you think? Why spend time with someone who doesn’t want to please you and do what you tell them to do? Especially when you’re right and you’re such a nice peson! Why can’t they be nice to you and let you know they care?!
Me: Hmmm…where do you come from, anger?
Anger: I come form a place inside of you that feels hurt, that feels ignored and devalued. I’m here to protect you from those feelings and to assure you that the person who made you feel that way is wrong.
Me: Well…what if I decide I don’t need to be valued by others because I can value myself? What if I don’t depend on someone else to meet my needs? Then that other person can be whoever they want to be. What if the other person wasn’t actually doing anything to hurt me on purpose? What it they are just caught up in themselves and their issues…I understand that…I can relate. So, maybe I don’t need to get so defensive. That’s not the person I really want to be..and besides, I value other people’s independence and free will. I don’t really want to control anyone’s behavior. I don’t have to be afraid of what will happen if someone else doesn’t do what I want them to do! I can handle it, whatever it is…I trust in the process of life and I know I’m safe.
End of conversation.
I really struggled with resolving this conversation. To be honest, no response came from inside myself when I asked the question “Where do you come from, anger?” I listened really hard, but I kept wanting to justify my anger. So, I took the liberty of doing a little research and that’s how I was able to end the conversation. Here are the sources that helped me to finish the conversation:
Thanks for reading.